do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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