i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You can't special order awesome
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
