is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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