you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
