I didn't shave. On purpose
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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