So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
