I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
