I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
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