I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
