think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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