The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
