i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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