fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
