I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
