Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
