Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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