Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
