rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Vodka?
Forever.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
