In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
