i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Vodka?
Forever.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
