No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
