I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
