"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
