You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize