I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you would pick up someone in the library
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
