I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
