He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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