in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize