She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
