it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
