we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
