Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize