I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
