Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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