whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
