South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
