I didn't shave. On purpose
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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