I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
