OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
