just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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