His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize