FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
