He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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