Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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