it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Randomize
