I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
