his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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