Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
