I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Randomize
