I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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