big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
