I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You left your phone here
Wait...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
