I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
