I am spending my child support on dildos
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
