i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize