"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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