i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How external is "for external use only"?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
