i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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