u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
