Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
