Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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