How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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