I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
