Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize