I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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