before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
