put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
