I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
