Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
