true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
