If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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