I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
