Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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