the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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